Sohapilee: a Wishful Heart

October 14, 2009

OMG! my new crushee is unbelievable!

Filed under: Sohapilee Top Secrets, sohapilee's daily cravings — Tags: — sohapilee @ 5:07 am

Us Blockmates in the RHU with Sir Lafayette :) :) :)

Us Blockmates in the RHU with Sir Lafayette :) :) :)


*clears throat*
Okay. Here it Goes. I first saw him in a secluded part of the world..wherein only sugarcane grows along the road. Of course, I didn’t know him at first. I remember those moments quite vividly. We were doing the fluoridization of the children’s teeth, and he was the one handing me the dry/new cotton. I would never forget that time because we were more than a little bit stranded and we ate hershey’s chocolates and cheesecakes. Oh, and the part that I like most about the experience is as we listened to the falling rain, the staff of the LGU of Murcia dared us to sing. And then he was the ‘pambato’ of their group. cathlyne Penaflorida even sang, but it was a religious song, and they were begging for pop songs. They even urged me, not knowing that if I complied, they’d have blood running down their ears. Jevalym was persuaded to sing as well, and she was wondering on what to sing. I was crazy about “we could be in love” at that time, as well as now, and I asked her to sing it for me. And he said he’ll sing with her. Actually, it was slightly off-key, hers, I mean. Because I don’t think she has mastered the song. But his Voice was beautiful, and I wished I was the one singing with him. well, to be really honest, it wasn’t then that I set my eyes on him..I saw how HUNKY he was from the very start right when he was handing me those cotton balls. I was dying to know his name, and I heard them saying it: Lafayette, which, to me is a girl’s name.
Well, there’s nothing remotely Girly in him, if you ask me. He’s 100% pure male flesh–Hunky at that too. Well, you see, my greatest weakness are Hunks. They don’t have to be handsome, you know, for me to get attracted. They just have to have broad backs, with flat abdomens and sizzling appeal. He has all.
And just today, we were blocked in RHU,a nd I was quite surprised to see him there! He was wearing maroon-colored pair of scrub suit, with his shaved head and a really appealing HUNKiness. He was quite jolly, and was joking around. And of course, I got starry eyed. Again, as usual. He was kidding with us, and he started talking about syphilis, which I thought was a joke, although apparently, not. It’s about neural syphilis. he discusses it in a Hunky way too..see those CEOs portrayed in kdramas? so like him. He also mentioned about the group wanting to learn about ARNIS, a local martial art, and I presented myself stupidly. I think he didn’t realize I was serious.
I told my tatats about him, and I asked them to research him for me. his last name at the very least. Well, they were tooo shy to do serious researching and they overheard our CI, Sir Benitado telling our other blockmates that he was once a CI too. That’s why he looks and sounds so cool when he discusses and explains something.
He also shared about “The cat bit the rat under four pigs….” I forgot the rest. Basta, it’s about remembering the pulses in the world! And revised one of my favorite songs in a really naughty way! Imagine: …All I wanna do, is make love with you..(!!!!) lol but he’s terribly funny. I like his personality!
We were able to take photos together! And he read our palms! Correctly at that!
But I think he uses psychology..that’s why he knows.

We left, and i didn’t know his name still. Last name, i mean. So I searched his first name at google..and I saw some links, although it’s in blogspot, and I coulodn’t access it. He really is a professional martial artist! And he holds a rank in the club of martial artists! Amazing! He’s perfect..
I wish i could add him up in facebook :(
But I couldn’t find him…yet.
He read my palm! He said I was emotional..and I should use my intellect when judging people! I don’t understand much! I must ask him to read my other hand! palm, I mean!

Us still :) Inspired?? lol

Us still :) Inspired?? lol

He’s perfect! but I don’t stand a chance :(

November 23, 2008

Why do I have to suffer this misery???

Filed under: Sohapilee Top Secrets, sohapilee's daily cravings — sohapilee @ 3:35 am

yeah. Heś done it again. Is he doing it on purpose? Does he really want to break my heart that much? Well, sorry. My heart is quite unbreakable these days. yeah. really. actually, Itś been so broken so much that it can be no longer breakable. Like in chemistry, itś in the atomic state already. blame it to what happened four years ago. Now, the pain that I supposed to be feeling, just made me realize how numb my heart is. Still. From the shock it suffered years ago. stupid heart, isn´t it? well, I just can help it. Anyway, I get immune easily. So maybe, I got immune to the pain. Awesome. amazing. Thanks to that guy.

But oftentimes, I hate this immunity. Because sometimes, it makes me feel how mean I am. I think I´m one of the 80 percent of the mentally ill sir prose had been talking about. He said that 80 percent of the population is not bound in mental institution. I just might be the first in that 80 percent. I really feel so crazy. I´ve got this really enormous problem and I cried my heart out until my eyes got sore and puffy in a really embarassing way. Then, after the crying spell, I was able to involve myself into a maddening fit of laughter. Crazy, isn´t it? now, i can worry about the problem anymore. I can´t care, since I numb. I´m practically numb to everything. sometimes, i think I´m actually the opposite of what I think of myself, and what others think of me, of course. I think, i am actually an optimist at heart.

okay. what actually happened was…we had our Laboratory in Microbiology this morning. As you may know, weŕe classmates. And he was there. I wasn´t paying the slightest attention to him. I didn´t care. I got past the absurd feeling of liking him. He likes my friend,and we always stuck together. While we were answering our manuals, He came over and watched her. i was watching him through the corner of my eyes. This time, I wasn´t distracted by his presence. I did not get breathless, shaky,etc.

It was awkward enough that were in the same class. It was numbing enough that he was watching her. Then a classmate began to be really playful with her, destroying her concentration, and he got a little mad. ¨Stop it! can´t you see that sheś doing something?? Don´t disturb her!¨ that was his exact line. and I was beside her. heś so stupid! can´t he see that she doesn´t care a bit about him? And he knows as well, and thatś as clear as midday, that I the one who likes him. Why is he doing this? can´t he be at least considerate not to voice out his heart when i am around? Heś really not the concerned type of person. heś so uncaring, and i conclude that he doesn´t deserve my heart. He might as well forget it! I really really want him to feel that I am SO over him now! the problem is how…

everytime he does that sweet nothings, My herat is intact, as intact as it was four years ago, But i feel like I being slapped to reality. Why do I suffer this misery?

November 20, 2008

“All the ‘good’ guys are taken by my ‘good’ Friends”

Filed under: Sohapilee Top Secrets, sohapilee's daily cravings — sohapilee @ 6:30 am

in case you’re wondering, that’s my newest theory. Like “kilig syndrome”, if anybody remembers. It’s my theory, and so far, i’ve proven it right. kilig syndrome was somewhat a punishment or maybe a consequence for overreacting upon seeing someone I like. it’s the modified version of ‘lovesickness” in other words.

Now this new theory, I proved it thrice! I swear! the first time, when i first felt the throbbings of the heart. You know(maybe) the story. he fell in love with my best friend (at taht time) instead. So what do I do? act the ever-so-supporting martyr of course. Actually, i had to act like taht for i didn’t ahve the choice. they even became lovers. Right in front of my very eyes.

second, when I ‘Liked’ conbrio. Well, It’s obvious, who he is I mean. Everyone knows. I wear my stupid heart on top of my head, not just on my sleeve, so. And everyone knows who he liked. my pretty bestfriend named melody.

okay. this time, i fell hard again. splat six feet below the ground. this is another theory by the way. This stupid falling for someone and overreacting with clammy hands, ultra-fast heartbeat, stiff neck, prolonged blushing, emotional diarhea, fever etc., happens every four years. Oh-kay. that’s it. I even couldn’t eat upon seeing this tiger! Grrrr! Why does he has to look at me? why does he have to watch me? he should close his damn eyes when i’m around.! *sorry for the vulgarities here*

He. Is. such. A. Feeler!!!!

And now, i found out that he likes another close friend. Well, sorry to bebe, who i adore, and sorry for me too. he likes our friend. we like him. OUCH.  that’s life. it’s normal. yeah. it’s just me who’s being so abnormal, that I hadn’t got any quiz perfect ever since he started going to class. My class! I admit I’m being distracted. well, who wouldn’t? I like him, and he’s in my class and i could see his eyes boring holes on my friend. I love this friend. her name’s Elyn. Cute. she’s adorable. We go way back in High school. And now, we’re all classmates. SEV’s making me uncomfortable. He’s crushing my reamining self-confidence to the core of the earth. yeah. that low.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I don’t hate her. She dislikes him anyway. Way back before he’d ever told her. And it wasn’t her fault! she’s a Victim. And even if she liked him, I don’t think i’ll hate her. Mind you, My first love was even more intense, But I never got jealous with my ex-bestfriend. I never ahted her! I just wished we could have what we had back then, again, now. But it’s impossible. Oh-kay. That’s another story.

And now, in class, I can’t help hearing his talk with bimbim. It’s impossible not to hear it, since we’ve always stuck together! Guys really wreck girl-friendships! Aargh! they’re so hate-able. I conclude, that I’m the most miserable girl in the ecosystem. I’m the unluckiest too, since i suck socially? Oh. Goodness? Why can’t I make a conversation last? I think a need a shrink. A theraphist at the least. can’t I be LUCKY for once in my life???

when first love comes back…

Filed under: Sohapilee Top Secrets, sohapilee's daily cravings — sohapilee @ 6:00 am

Sometimes, life is like a korean drama. sometimes, i feel like a heroine from a korean drama too. This is one of those times. well, okay. I admit. I am so not heroine-like.

The thrill of first love, as they say. Firstlove never dies, they say that as well…they even composed a song about that. Considering that my closest friend feels the same, i conclude that it’s quite true. Imagine, after four years,I still have this fluttering feeling in my chest that only him can call forth. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. It’s dumb, but I just realize how numb I have been feeling since I ahve been hurt by him. I have this emptiness in my heart that no one else had ever filled. Not Even SEV. I know I had been crazy about him these past months, but now that “My eyes are Opened”, I can’t summon a single drop of tear. I don’t know what’s wrong. I just can’t feel any more emotion, at least a strong one. i know I have been feeling these weird “crushes” on a couple of guys, but I know how skin-deep it is. It feels like I’m being immune. Nothing hurts me anymore. sure, I’m hurt sometimes, but not bad enough to make me cry. Just wounded Ego I guess. But with him, It’s quite different. And don’t ask anyone about it, because i haven’t told anyone else. well, maybe you could ask my tear-stained diary. That would be okay.

Now, he’s coming abck. but no, he’s not gonna stay for good. Just a few days,and I don’t even know if I’ll see him. but heaven knows how much i want to! i’m dying to see him..I’m dreaming of hugging him. No, I am still in touch with reality, in case you’re wondering. yeah, sure. I know how impossible it is. I really miss him. There were times in these past four years when I have thought of him and impulses of hugging him overcame me. But of course, I couldn’t do it, and my heart just ached forever.

he has told me he’s coming back! I’m happy. happy enough that he cared to tell me. happy enough that I aM receiving an email from him everyday—no, not everyday. If i get to reply everyday, that is. But if not, his email is waiting. I pray that i’m going to see him. And i pray that I won’t be stupid around him like before. I pray for that even more. I pray that I won’t stick my feet into my mouth in every sentence that I’m going to utter. So help me GOD.

July 6, 2008

Mixed emotions

Filed under: Sohapilee Top Secrets, sohapilee's daily cravings — Tags: — sohapilee @ 7:18 am

This is a weekend of mixed emotion….Why??? I felt all the emotions I could possibly feel! And Maybe I have internal hemorrhage by now  due to several broken ribs because of the heavy thumpings of my heart!!!!!

It started friday. I was so hurt. So frustrated, and was at a loss. That friday night, Our song, “have you ever talked to God”, was snatched away. Well, It was not really ours…But we were the ones who “publicized” it. They were going to sing it that saturday!

I knew I just couldnt let it happen! My heart feels so heavy, and it seems like the whole world was crushing me to pieces. plus the many problems that I encountered that day…I could not help but burst into tears. And I can’t seem to stop crying. Actually, I was thinking about my heartache…my heartache about not being able to go home….I was already a month in the prison….no other than CPAC. The problem seems so little, but I cried so hard.

I asked Vhebz to accompany me to the “prayer garden” so I could pour my heart out to God. On the way, we saw my hate-love, 17. He was singing with my friend. I was supposed to ask my friend about our problem (she’s part of our group), but he was there,so I decided not to.

But when I sat in the bench in the garden, the guard tld me taht it’s already closing time, so I have to go…He turned out thelights, so I got no choice…outside, I pulled bim2 away from the group , and told her about our problem…that girl…she really frustrates me!!!! She just does’nt care….but still, she’s a dear one…

I went back to the dorm, with emptiness in my heart!

And later, bim2 told me that she has something to say about 17!

just a background on this, I asked her to ask him if he has a brother/sister.

that friday night, bim2 told me he said yes….And said “I love you’ to the one who asked the question! Gosh!

I know he does not mean it, but it’s affecting me real badly…

you know, when the “feeler” instinct works…the ” kilig” feelings come!!!!

The next morning, I went to the Cafeteria!!!!!!! There was only the men’s counter left so I lined up there!!!!! And He lined right behind me!!!!! Imagine the feeling!!!! I could hear his breathing, and I could feel it too!!!! He wasn’t that close,  but he was not at arm length away either! closer than that!!!!

I was shaking from the tips of my hair to the soles of my feet!!!!

And when I sat down on the table…he sat down in the other table in front of me!!!! we were not sharing a table, but we were facing each other! I refused to look at him…My hands were shaking very badly…I couldnt peel my boiled egg! And I was not able to finish my meal….I was too concious! My lips were actually shaking!!!!

And when I risked a glance at him, HE WAS LOOKING AT MEEEEEE!!!!!!

i hurriedly took my tray and went away!!!!

My nerves are so damaged now!!!

But the kilig feeling is still there….only that I can’t admit it, because vhebz likes him too…

today he went to Mambucal….the place where I had my best memories….I wish i was with him…

February 20, 2008

Protected: My First…Er~ love?? Crush? (sorry, I’m quite confused..)

Filed under: Sohapilee Top Secrets — sohapilee @ 6:32 am

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Protected: My crush in the famous batch, Con Brio 07

Filed under: Sohapilee Top Secrets — sohapilee @ 5:50 am

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