WP, I’m sorry.

I think I might have forsaken you quite a bit. Sorry if I left you so that I could collect grapes at cyworld. I think I will not forsake you at all. Anyways, do you know what date is it tomorrow? It’s 11.12.12! So, if I’ll count the years, it’s 7 years since Cha MooHyuk’s death, and he’s the reason why I’m in love with the man I love right now.
It’s all because of Cha MooHyuk. Oh. I just remembered. Today is Ped’s birthday. WP, you do remember Ped, don’t you?
That scrawny (haha NOT!) guy whom I used to like so much back in college, who liked my friend, Bimbim. I have not been in touch with him for a long, long time. Okay, to be honest, I have not been in touch with him since forever, I’ve never even said ‘Hi’ to him even when we were seatmates in Anatomy class and Microbiology class. I was very stupid then. Okay, I agree. I think I’m still stupid now. Given the same circumstances, I think I would still be a coward and I’d still not be able to gather my guts to say ‘hello’. You know, too, don’t you, that when I sincerely like someone, I really have a hard time trying to look into his eyes.
It’s my weakest point, ever, since I’m such a coward. Recently, I’ve been loyal to this man, but I’m getting so paranoid. I mean, I’m getting scared he might have gotten married, had babies, had girlfriends behind my back, without me knowing since he’s so far away.
No matter what negative comments people may have regarding my would-be actions in pursuit of this person, I don’t care at all.
I am determined to be loved by him the way I love him (even more would be splendid) and to live the rest of my life in glee and marriage bliss. I want to take him to heaven. I mean, I just want to go there with him together.
I’m usually the person who gives advice to people, even married people (oh gosh, isn’t that funny?) so I’m determined to follow my advice.
Life is difficult, I know. Yesterday I’ve been bombarded with revelations that would make any normal person’s head spin, but of course, I’m a weirdo. Nothing shocks me. NOTHING at all.
Even if they would say that the man I love is married, or is gay, I would be heartbroken, and it would be like the end for me, but I won’t be shocked. Because really, nothing shocks me.
If I see someone walking naked on the street, I won’t be shocked either.
I’ve had this weirdness for quite a while now.
Really, nothing shocks me.
But I really have to attend to one of my friends. She has this mountainload of emotional baggage and I need to help her carry those. But it’s quite difficult to do. Because I don’t know where to start!
But I know I have to be there.
My friends…they all have different personalities. I do classify them into two groups. The other group, they are like sisters to me. I know everything about them, they know everything about me. They’re the sensitive group. They’ve got big hearts that are really sensitive. They always are hurting.
The other group on the other hand, they’re the strong ones. They might be hurting, but their problems are not as heavy as the other group’s. The first group is melodramatic, and this second one is a comedy. These people just laugh it off. Also, these people doesn’t have the time to listen to me and my musings. If I’ve got emotional baggage they are not the people I can cry with.
They are not the type of people to cry anyways. Sure, I can count on them for comfort, but they have a different approach.
The first group on the other hand, they’re the type who would really cry with you all throughout.
So, sometimes, since these groups really are like, opposing factors, I feel like I’m being pulled at different directions. Like they all want me to be there. But I can’t. Because I have to prioritize.
So, if I’ve made a mistake, or hurt them in the process of ‘being there’ for the others, I would just like to say ‘Sorry’.
I love you all EQUALLY.

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