An amazing night and a Morning of headache :(

Last night I totally went crazy. It was fantastic. Especially the part with Joy and Kuya Harvey. And of course, the dancing of the guys. My Goodness! Nobody??? Nobody???? They were totally insane. It was already dawn when we went to sleep. That’s why I have this headache right now.
I also made a fool of myself when I joined the fun, forgetting that he was right there, watching. I felt so embarassed afterwards. Imagine, making a fool out of myself TWICE in a single day? Well, the second thing happened during the night, but..
I am such an idiot. Really. I am. I know.
But i don’t care much.
The whole night, I kept seeing him in that really serious expression, standing in the corner, head tilted a little to one side, arms crossed over his chest, smiling from time to time. In a really crazy shirt. I laughed out loud upon seeing him in that shirt! Seriously, he didn’t have to be in red and white, really
He’s funny. And taken.
i dreamt of him last night. I thought it happened for real, I just realized right before I typed this that it can’t possibly be true.
He came up to me and demanded who the hell xoxo was.
See, I just realized how that sounded. I thought he was xoxo. He was Nana, and I forgot. I couldn’t tell him anything. Xoxo is Dev, my goodness!
If it had been true, it must be a total nightmare for me.
things like that couldn’t possibly happen to me. It can be in dreams though. stupid dreams.

The Polka Dot Orchestra :)

Today we went to church. I was with Juanie and we were’nt lsitening at at all. I am noty proud of it. We suddenly acme up with an idea of forming our own orchestra though, that is composed of the Polka-Dot’s children. Wouldn’t it be nice? We would color the instruments in lively polka dots! We decided to make at least 5 children, each one of us, including ate Bea. But as bebe said, if she’ll find it too hard, making babies and delivering them all, we’ll just have to compensate and save her by having more. Lol. I actually planned having only one or two, but for the sake of this orchestra, I’ll have 5. and for the sake of ate Bea, I’ll gladly have 6. Ouch. isn’t that too many? But I’m sure they’ll be the cutest. We would start training them at age three, and probably, they’ll be brilliant by ten. Isn’t this a terrific idea?

This afternoon, we went traeasure hunting. Nana was in our group. I used to like him a lot,even if the code name says otherwise. But I do not like him now. I had to jump into the kiddie pool, and I got all wet. I must have looked like a wet puppy there, and he suddenly called me. I looked up. And he gestured something at his chest. And I realized what a stupid fool I have been! He must have seen my cleavage! ouch. Tis is so embarassing!
I pretended that It didn’t matter. actually, it doesn’t since I don’t care about him much anymore. He’s a nice guy after all then,. But he’s already too PDA with his gf. who is such a beeyotch. She wasn’t there, thank God.
My, this guy..can’t he run? Is it really true then that there is something wrong with his heart? oh..too bad.
He suddenly reminded me of someone I like until now, although I don’t like him the way I used to before. lol.
I sound complicated.
anyways, xmas Party tonight! Yehaaaaw~

A minimal change Of Heart.

A few days ago, I wrote about my hatred. I was so mad it was all I can do to stop myself from exploding, or killing him. He makes my skin crawl.
But as of last night, I had a change of heart, although it’s incomplete. So I’ve let go of my anger a bit. I’m not mad anymore, as long as he doesn’t provoke my hate, we’ll be alright.
But he’s bound to do those idiotic things that irks me a lot, sooner or later. But for now, I’ve stopped hating him and I’ve actually felt a little guilty. For hating him.
It was like this:
Me and Melody were supposed to meet at a certain shoestore at 2:00 pm. But we were not able to meet, not until 4:00 pm. Then we went to the mall and roamed a little to buy christmas neccesities,
and we ate. before we knew it, it was already 6:00 so we hurried back. e guy.
We were afraid that there’ll nbe no one else but me, and it’ll be dangerous. Good thing we saw them, and I decided to go with them.
And because of that, I don’t hate him anymore. I still don’t wantto talk to him though.

Oh, all the things Melo and me talked about! It actually got me thinking. Especially the part when you stop hating and feel pity and guilty, it’s actually going to make you fall. I don’t want to believe this, because
I kind of like this person already, not the one we were talking about previously, and I do not like him that way.This 2nd him. I mean He’s a god person afterall, once you get to know him, and I’m tired of hating him or not liking him
when he’d done nothing wrong to me. He’s actually a nice guy. So…

But I’m not going to like him that way, am i? It takes a person’s decision after all. I am not in a relationship right now, so I must be high-risk. But no. That is so..not gonna happen.
Oh, yesterday I was checing out all the girls thinking ‘Oh, that one is the kind Dev would like’..’that legs, that face, that skin, that height, that fashion sense..’ etc. It’s just that I can’t help thinking about Dev. and the women he would have.
Seriously, they’re all Posh and stylish, and rich and everything I am not.
But why should I care? Dev’s supposed to be my older brother, although I seem to forget that everytime. I am supposed to be treating him like an older brother.
I told Melo about him too. And I am so embarassed.But I’m going to stop obsessing since I’ve unloaded most things.

**** I wrote this Yesterday

Stress-less.

I wasn’t the least stressed today. My endorphins were at a high level too. Although everyone seems to be picking on me, I don’t care. I’m not paranoid, I am not ‘Pikon’ so it doesn’t matter. Actually, I’m quite amused by the nonesense teasing they were doing. It makes me laugh. Well, I’m sorry, I’m not a comedian. I can’t joke, I can’t make people laugh. I’m a little stiff, I know. But what does it matter? I know it already. I’ll just remember to find someone with a ‘MASSIVE’ sense of humor when I’ll go to get married someday. hah. Seriously, I’ve been irked by that word. And the reason is a secret. I’m not telling anyone. I absolutely have none. WHY?
I can’t help it though. I’m just not as blessed as they are.

It’s a shame that I am in front. The performers are always in front of me, and Rommel Val Rey DePedro almost made me explode from too much laughter due to his stunts today. Gosh, why me? I practically died laughing. My, they’re really the biggest comedians I know. Glinda Too, who happened to be my partner today. It’s a good thing, since she compensated to my absence of sense of humor.

Oh, I have this info about age matters. My roomate told me last night that being involved with a person five years younger, and you can be considered a PEDOPHILE! it’s like, hello??
That’s too much! I couldn’t accept it at all. Seriously, 5 years??? then what about Jisub and me? He’s 13 years and 8 months older than me, can he be considered a pedophile then? I cannot absolutely tolerate this information.
Even with Dev. he’s at least 5 years older than me. Hello?
It can’t be. I just can’t accept it. It totally bothered me last night. I almost wasn’t able to sleep on time.
PEDOPHILE??????

Stressful..

Bad Day.

I am sore. From my waist down, I couldn’t even move my muscles properly. I feel like I just finished giving birth. It was the pumpings I did,I’m sure.
Too bad I wasn’t able to run due to the rain. People are steadily irking me. My constant ‘irker’, is always by my side.
Some people irked me a little too. Charlie for instance.
But I am not much affected, because I still have the aftereffects of the XoXo situation. Too bad I didn’t see XoXo today. I wonder wher he went?
Well, his whereabouts isn’t really any of my business. He’s stupid anyway. Oh, sorry. He just acts stupid.
There was this man whose hair reminded me of XoXo, and he kind of insulted me in my own territory. Well, good for him I didn’t retort any cutting remarks, I have manners, while he does not.
I don’t know, since I met DEV, I’ve started losing my inhibitions. A Little has been retained though. He’s actually good for me. Although I can not really say that I am good for him.
Actually, i must admit, i’m terrible for him.he doesn’t neccessarily have to know though.

Oh, I just remembered, yesterday I saw my little guy in the cafeteria. poor him. he was helping out people. he should really be playing..in school.
He’s really a cutie, in a silent way. Not that eye-catching. but he’s really handsome. But i must be at least 10 years older. haha. I know he’s gonna be really handsome when he grows up, I can
imagine him Tall, dark and handsome..He has to gain more muscles though, because the way i see him now, he’s probably asthmatic. And he has to improve his fashion sense. Lol. He dresses terrible. I wonder where his parents
are. maybe he’s an orphan. He really reminds me of the most perfect person I know. Or the one who used to be the most perfect person.

There’s another kid who’s as handsome too. But he’s well-dressed, and probably he plays the piano.
I am not a pedophile. lol
they just remind me of some guy…

Hatred in my heart

Hatred in my heart

I don’t normally harbor these kind of feelings. But I can’t help it. Maybe nobody can. Who can stand him?
I really hate him with all my heart! I know I shouldn’t be thinking about murder but being exposed to this really annoying
person every day for 8 long hours is intolerable. I am completely ignoring him now. He’s actually ‘intelligent’, or so they say,
but to me he’s just an idiot.I can’t count how amny times I am contemplating about murdering him.
This afternoon only, I probably thought of stabbing him with my pen not less than 10 times. I want to throw my shoes
at him everytime he utters idiotic words.
And the way he’s murmuring to himself when he’s trying to study! I really can’t stand it. I want to yell at him. I want to break his neck.
aaarggh. i hate him so much. And how dare he cheer me on just like the others? as if we’re friends?!
I am completely infuriated at him. Why do we have to be seatmates anyway? I’ve been harboring this anger inside me for so long..
for several months already, and this is eating me. Sooner or later, I’ll have to explode.
I hate the way he moves beside me, moving closer. I never turn towards his direction unless I can help it.
He’s too eager, wanting to impress everyone, but he’ll never impress me, I have too much hatred for him now. I actually liked him before, I mean,
he was pretty okay for me. But i don’t know what happened to me. My eyes got opened I guess. I really ahte persons who asks questions even though they know the answer.
It’s the biggest form of pretension to me. And he is exactly like that. He would ask me things that the teacher had just announced! can you imagine? And he would ask for paper
and would expect me to cut it too, while he STUDIES! He is so inconsiderate, and his manners are totally fake.

i can’t get this anger all out, because it gets rekindled every day.
He leans over my shoulders at times too!!!! And I am so disgusted! He doesn’t even see my body language! How stupid! I try to inch as far as possible in my seat.
Oftentimes I’ll move my chair away, and the idiot would just move his, next to mine! It’s so infuriating! And I hate the fact that I can freaking smell his breath!
It’s not exactly bad, but it’s offensive for me, considering the fact that I’m all hatred when he’s the subject. He just doesn’t get it.
He still attempts at nonesense and idiotic conversations even though I ignore him. Most of the times, I just pretend not to hear anything. And i would glare at him.
And the idiot would still smile at me and greet me everytime!
I HATE HIM!!!!

And he’s such a crocodile. He can’t accept it when he gets a mistake in a quiz. He would have a debate with the teacher first. And I hate his voice! I hate his laughter most especially.
He would laugh in a way that irks me most. I hate the sound of his laughter. When he laughs, I want to slap him senseless.

And another thing, which is not the least of the reasons why I HATE him: I am quite postive he looks down my shirt at times! He is Perverted too!
My classroom life is HELL because of him. I am trying to pretend that he doesn’t exist, but he would always make a scene. And this is when I would long to MURDER Him. I never hated someone like this before.

This is eating me alive.

Funny Performance :D

We sang tonight as a group. It was totally funny. I was doing the case study final paper with Kuya Mark Paul and CheChe, and I totally forgot. My phone was on silent mode too, and It’s a good thing that I am crazy about photos (that I currently have uploaded at facebook), that I happen to glance at my phone screen and saw Melo’s message. It was quarter to 7, and they were already at the venue. And I was still fooling around with both of my classmates at that time. I kept on fooling around and cramming at the same time to finish what I had to do, and then at 7 I went running from Ate Danna’s house to the Raya Hall. Oh, I went to our room first. I wasn’t able to powder up or even comb my hair! And I almost tripped over myself while hurrying towards the Hall. And went I got there, I was just on time as my roomates were going up the stage. For a change, I wasn’t nervous. I just discovered my icy hands after everything was over.
I directed (partly) a short skit in class too. But I’m such a bad actress. i can’t act even just for a minute.
The reason that I had a blast was actually because I had loads of confidence today. not exactly overconfident that I was already being overbearing, but confident enough to function well. Today, I didn’t have a care about the world. I was just doing my thing.
Oh, and I had a gift today, a LOVELY music box..well, not exactly a music box, but a grand piano. Did I tell you that I love pianos, piano music and piano-playing men and everything piano related?
there..i’m Off-Topic again.

* I wasn’t able to post this last night.

*** early-morning jogging and drooling over Ji-Ho’s Body
Sorry Jisub ^^
I’ll drool over you later

Bad Day :(

Maybe I’m just saying it is (bad I mean) because of a certain unfulfilled obsession. Really, Goodness! I should stop obsessing over certain worthless things. Which I have nothing to do, supposedly. And will certainly won’t benefit me in any way. But obsessions and addictions are supposed to be irresistible, right? like dark temptations. Well, I don’t like dark things, except for Oh Ji-Ho’s and Jung Ji-Hoon’s Body, so I shouldn’t be tempted much. but what shall I do? How will I manage this? I am tempted to ogle at things I am not supposed to ogle at.
I know I gotta stop. Especially in a time like THIS. Like right now. When I have all my exams (prelims) squeezed altogether in one day. I am not the 3.0+ GPA type, but I could certainly relate to Antoniel’s dilemma. Well, good for him, it was only R.C. and good for me too, since he gave me every item he got. I was going to be hooked there, trying to earn more money, but since he gave me a lot of items, I’m never gonna get hooked. thanks, man!
Seriously, I’m getting numb. My heart and soul. It seems that I can’t care anymore about the outcomes of my exams. And I’m getting too hard-headed. In a sense that no matter how I pound my brains, the information just floats away. My non-absorbent brain. It only absorbs nonsense. Like addictions. Seriously, I am thinking of amphetamines. It’s a stimulant. It might stimulate my brain to act normally for a change. haish, stupid me. I passed my papers within 45 minutes, or less. Can you find a worse dork? And our taecher had a chance to read my apper, which I’m sure, is full of worthless answers. TRASH.
And whose fault is that? MINE. I know.
Just liek now, when I am supposed to be studying for Psychiatric Nursing, and I am doing this blog entry instead. I hope ma’am metran would let us go easy. i hope so. But there’s a thin chance that she would. Oh, I have already expressed my embarrassment over my Medical-Surgical Exam. I feel better. Maybe I should write a poem. I wrote one this morning. When I was supposed to be studying. How great of me, yeah?
It was a worthless poem too. Where do you find a poem like that? ‘The announcement’. how stupid. i hope it’ll get published though. by VOX.

Last day of duty…

Was awesome. Totally stress-free, thanks to wonderful Team leaders. And we were able to take loads of photos. Yeah, check out my facebook
I was able to make loads of peanuts and cherry balls. I enjoy these.
I got to pose next to Sir charles too, and I get to see the cervix of a female..lol. Nice. It must be painful.
I don’t know, but I’m happy today.
Maybe because I’m so stress=free.
I’m just sad That I wasn’t able to publish what I wrote yesterday…
It was long pa naman…

A Day of Firsts. (babblings towards the end^^)

I had a great time today. In fact I had such a good time that I was wondering if it had been really real. Or not. I loved everything about the new experiences except for the smell that lingers on my hands after duty. First, it’s the first time that I went inside the Provincial Hospital. It’s really not much different than the municipal hospital or whatever it is back home. Only that it’s more crowded. Actually, the whole provincial-hospital setting reminds me of a medic headquarters in a war movie. It is that crowded! In fact, some people doesn’t even have beds! Everything is in chaos, resembling war,minus the blood.
I did my first routine newborn care today..I held my first actual newborn, a minute away from the womb. It was really awkward. I totally expected a newborn to be all soft, but actually, they’re not. I had to wash the head to get rid of all the disgusting stuff like blood and vernix caseosa on their heads. I had two babies today, and I’ll never forget their names. One was a baby boy, and the other was a baby girl. I was thinking, what if they’ll end up together when they grow up? I’ll definitely come to the wedding. lol, if I’ll get to be their sponsor, wouldn’t it be cool?? I bet it’ll be awesome.
I ate very little for lunch, because I wasn’t able to order some from KFC. Well, it was alright. I drank a whole bottle of Milk (1000 ml) afterwards. which is not a wonder at all.
I’m so happy with my babies. lol

I miss LAD though..I remembered him all day because of the suit that I had been wearing..maroon. Remember the previous photos? Yeah.
I just remembered, I was wondering the other day why I get so shy looking at his totally wholesome video at youtube, when it was totally rated GP. It was cool too, but why do my face gets heated up when I try to watch it, even when alone?? Why?
haish, I’m so stupid.

Oh, and the love of my life, announced that he wants a girl (well, not exactly a girl, maybe a woman) who can smile like a child and comes from a good family background. Good family background? how is that supposed to mean? Like Rich? Like influential? what exactly? My family’s good, too imperfect, but not rich nor influential. If ever he and I would eventually get married, my mom would totally skewer him alive, and would grill him until he’ll lose all beauty. I would love to see that, but I don’t want to put him through all those hardships. lol, I am acting as if.

Well, if he’ll ask me, I’d elope with him too. I have my rules, but he’s the exception to each rule I established for my sanity. what am I supposed to do when I get tachycardic whenever I see him, I get lightheaded and my knees goes weak too?
And I can’t help it too. I love his smooth smooth face, but when he grows his facial hairs for a couple of days to a week, I love him too.
Most of all, I love his hands, the best-looking hands in the whole universe. i really can’t find hands more beautiful than his.
But if you ask me, I really can’t say why he is the love of my life. He is not the handsomest, our age and social status are incompatible as heaven and earth, but still, I love him with all my heart.
He’s imperfect, but he’s more than perfection in my eyes. I won’t even choose my Chut SaRang over him.
I am definitely sleepy, babbling all this. well.

Someday, I’d like to kiss him senseless.